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April 12, 2009
Question: I love this girl. She loves me but doesn't want a relationship and wants to **** about in general, but says she will stay faithful to me. Do I trust her, or am I paranoid and needy to worry about it?
ANSWER: She cannot stay faithful to you without a relationship with you. When two people enter into a relationship, they share an understanding about current and future behaviors. The more understanding you share, the longer and better the relationship. If you expect faithfulness from her without a relationship, you expect water to pass through a hose made with holes. Like a hose that directs water along a path to a destination, a relationship guides behavior along a path to a long-term, happy companionship.
Wiz
April 6, 2009
Question: I am with this girl 6 years now. We have only spent four years together. The rest was a long distance relationship. In the beginning everything was fine. She seemed to be my perfect match. But things changed and now there is nothing compatible between us except sharp egos. Now I am in love with one of my older colleagues whom I dumped for this girl. But my colleague's love for me hasn’t changed since then and she never got into any relationship after I left her. She still loves me and wants to marry me. But now I am confused. On one side I have a long term (6 yrs) relationship and on other side I have unconditional love waiting for me. My present girlfriend is pretty hard to convince. There is no doubt that she loves me too, but she gives more priority to other things in life compared to me. It has been 6 yrs and we never had any sex. This was her condition because she didn’t want to lose her virginity before marriage. I agreed to that because I loved her. But now I think I have had too much of it and have compromised too far. I want to go back to my colleague, but I don’t know how to end this current relationship. I am in mental trauma because I love both of them and cannot see either one of them in pain. I am very depressed right now. I don’t know how to convince my present girlfriend as she starts crying and behaving crazy whenever I want to talk about this. Please help.
ANSWER: If you are confused, you are allowing the feelings of your girlfriend to interfere with your rational decision-making. You state clearly that you and your current girlfriend have nothing in common any more – except sharp egos. Well, dueling egos destroy a relationship as quickly as an armed torpedo sinks a ship. You are in love with a woman you perceive will offer “unconditional love.”
You do not need to convince your present girlfriend. You need only convince yourself.
If you are convinced, get it done. You girlfriend, as much as she may cry or behave crazy, needs to know that a sexless relationship in six years is a stretch, unless you started dating at 14.
Note, however, that “unconditional love” is a hair-brained idea. It never happens that way.
Wiz
April 3, 2009
Question from a girl in an abusiver relationship arrived here - see Dumpaguy.com for the answer under this date. No connection with the girl who sent a question on March 31 below.
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