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December 29, 2006
Question: Hi there man, you gotta help me on this. Listen, i am kind of in a swamp here. i am already engaged and moved to a different city for school. i met a girl and i liked her, but i love my fiancee (which was my girlfriend for 3 years) more, of course.
I started going out for fun with this girl, and then we had sex! things started to get sweet and nice. we had sleepovers all the time. I told her that i have arrangements but didn’t tell her that i was engaged.
I told her due to family being conservative i have to marry a girl i know, and i have to do that pretty soon.
Each time i reminded her of that she starts crying and says that we can’t breakup.
I only told her i like her. we never spoke any word of love. she is so attached and my wedding is in 6 months!
We have to break up, but how?
I like her. She is a nice girl, but no way for this to go on. And i really care about her feelings.
I usually show her that i care for her and that i am not just "using her".
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease assist.
Cheers man.
ANSWER: Your swamp is deep and murky. You created it and you pulled both paramours right into it.
You can see that you cannot keep both, and you have made it clear that you love your fiancé. That means, and can only mean, one thing: You must dump the girl you’ve been seeing. You seem clear enough about that and just want to know how. The wizard emphasizes it here so that others reading this will see that there is no alternative – if you are unwavering in your love for your fiancé. If you were wavering, you would end the engagement.
The damage you caused gets worse as you continue the relationship and permit the “attachment” to grow stronger. You must end it right away and stop the progressive increase in pain that you will cause her for every day you let pass without accomplishing the task of dumping her.
She doesn’t know it yet, but she must be rid of you as quickly as possible.
Present the dump as a decision you have made – that the relationship must come to an abrupt end – and that your reason has nothing to do with her. Tell her you have made a mess of things and that she doesn’t need to know all the details, but that your decision is firm and final.
If you care for her, you will not lead her on any further. She’s needs you to break it off, and you must do it for her. If this continues in any way – it is your selfishness and not your care for her that keeps it going.
If she is so attached that she won’t give it up, if she persists in pursuing you, send her a letter – if you can’t tell her face to face – saying that you were not up-front with her, that you are engaged to be married and love your fiancé, and that you regret your transgressions, and badly regret that you have caused her any pain. She will then see that she is not to blame.
Good luck. Do it for her. While she cries and complains, you will know that the dump will be an act of love and respect for her. It will save her and get her out of the swamp you created.
Wizard
December 29, 2006
Question: i want to dump my girlfriend because she pisses me off. but then all her friends will hate me and ill probably get a load of grief from the boys she knows. what should i do?
ANSWER: Nothing should stand in the way of a right decision. If you rightly want to dump her, then do it without reservation. If they dislike you for any good reason, it would be that you were combative or argumentative in the dump. When you dump her, avoid being combative or argumentative. Do not criticize her. Do not put blame on her.
All her friends and the boys she knows have to dump people too. They should know what you are doing if they know anything about dumping and being dumped. If they have any sense in their heads, they’ll understand that what you are doing is good for both you and her.
Any one who dislikes a person because he or she dumped a friend is thoroughly illogical and stupid. One should not wish a bad relationship on a friend, even if the friend doesn’t see it that way when the dump occurs.
The logical approach for them is to console her by saying, “He wasn’t good enough for you. You can do better.” If you hear that, do not interpret that as a dislike of you. They are right in saying that to her, and they would be right saying the same thing to you, that you could do better and she was not good enough for you.
It takes two to tango. You can’t tango with a ball and chain, or with a thorny bush. If one doesn’t like what’s there, that’s it. Finis. That’s the ultimate truth in all dating.
Wizard
December 18, 2006
Question: Hey. Let me give u some background. I met this girl online, which i then met in person. On our second encounter we had sex, and again recently on our third encounter. Now the problem is from the beginning i wanted only a fling, and I was under the impression she wanted the same. Now she wants to have a relationship which i don’t want. Nothing to do with her, i just don’t want a relationship right now. How could i possibly tell her the truth without hurting her, or better yet get her to somehow not like me anymore and she getting rid of me so that she won’t get hurt? If it’s possible i just want her to not like me romantically anymore...
ANSWER: Getting her to somehow not like you is not better. Don’t do something negative to get a positive. Your best way out is to be direct and honest with her.
She will get over it, but you haven’t because you are worried about her. Tell her the truth and she will adjust. Her participation was voluntary and risky, just as it was voluntary and risky for you. Ending the relationship is best if you don’t want one – and that is part of the risk she took.
If she is attached to you after having had sex with you, she will likely feel hurt when you tell her that you don’t want a relationship. But she will realize, when she gets a distance away and looks at it with perspective, it is better that the relationship ended.
She will lose the romance when she hears the truth from you. If she tries to argue the point, or convince you of something different, stand firm.
Wizard
December 15, 2006
Question: I’ve been dating this girl for two years. Then we broke up and now we’re back together. That was two years ago and now i have met a new girl that is more like me in every way. Like i’ve never met someone like this. it’s great but i’m not sure if i want to start all over again with a new girl because the girl i’m with now helps me money wise.
ANSWER: Dating for money can be fun for a while, but the emotional sincerity does not exist. The spark in the relationship will die out and money cannot fix a bad relationship.
So if you miss a really good date, like the one who is more like you in every way, you lose.
Wizard
December 9. 2006
Question: Ive been with my girlfriend for over a year now and i keep telling myself im gonna dump her because I dont feel right with her. but then I have an amazing time with her. its just i don’t feel anything when im not with her. One of my best mates though, I think ive started to have feelings for her and my girlfriend suspects that I do, but i think if we broke up then she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. and im all she has really and I dont want her not to have anything. it doesn’t help that my mates are her best mates too, so I cant tell them anything without it getting back to her. the only person ive told is the other girl who i think that i like and she told me to dump her, that we can have the same fun seeing each other exclusively. I think she’s right but I don’t know whether she would want anything to do with me afterwards, so that’s why i don’t want to. also my best mate really fancies her, so if she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, then i don’t wanna lose my best mate too, along with my other mates who she’s mates with.
ANSWER: Too much worrying about your mates and what they think. Give it your best with your girlfriend, but if you don’t feel right with her any more, it probably is time to move along to another girl. And the one you’ve been thinking about, though you worry about whether she will stay with you, you should date her if you think it might be a good thing. Life is full of risk-taking, and your mates shouldn’t be tussled up over your success or failure, especially in the dating world.
Wizard
December 7, 2006
Question: ive been with my gf for 3 months. recently we had an argument for something i apparently 'done' but she wont tell me what it is, and as far as i can see there is nothing i have done. and also she makes every excuse why not to see me, but as soon as her friends ask her out, she jumps at the chance. im thinking of . . . her off 'cos she’s starting to make me look like a prize prick. cheers. Karl, Kiev
ANSWER: Cheers, yo’ man. Got to do it.
Wizard
December 6, 2006
Question: My girlfriend is selfish and always talks about herself. She has a history of being a slag and has been with many men. She also has a string of ex-boyfriends. She does not care about me.
ANSWER: Well, dump her. But don’t decide that she doesn’t like you because of her “history.” It’s how she acts with you now that counts.
Wizard
December 5, 2006
Question: my girlfriend and i have been together for over two months now. We’re both 19 and we meet at one of college classes. at first i really liked her as a person, until i found out that when we first had sex she still had a boyfriend that she had been going out with for five months, but things were winding down for them. she told me all the time how much she liked me and how i was the only one. so i almost dumped her until she convinced me she was through this other guy. then Halloween came and she
ditched me to go hang out with her supposed x boyfriend. but something happened and she came crying back to me that night. i was so close to ending the relationship right there and then but once again i gave her the benefit of the doubt. after that night she has only had me as a boyfriend and we have had some good times since then. let me also say that this was the first girl i've ever slept with and she didn't want to sleep with me because she thought i would fall in love with her. i treat her like a princess.
i lost my virginity to such a slut. what do think i should do?
ANSWER: Losing your virginity, to whomever, is not a great loss. You are no less of a man. So shake that one off.
If you love her, don’t dump her. You say that the two of you have had some good times, so why let them go? Enjoy yourself. If you stop losing your interest in her, then let her go. If she goes back to her ex again, that might be a good reason to lose your interest, but it doesn’t have to be. Follow your instincts. Don’t deny or cheat yourself. Look for fun and excitement with her and see if something deeper and more meaningful develops.
Do not call her a slut.
Wizard
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