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February 21, 2006
Question: I used to love a girl who never accepted me. So in order to forget her I hooked up with another girl. Now after i did so, I just cant get over ma previous crush. The previous girl holds a special place in my heart. I’m desperate for her love. And am uncomfortable with ma present Girl friend!...She loves me a lot, but for some reason i cant forget ma previous crush. Help me.
ANSWER: Your feeling uncomfortable with your present girlfriend is alone good enough reason for a dump. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with any girlfriend.
However, remember that your previous girlfriend never accepted you and may feel uncomfortable with you. Is it worth your time and your good effort to be so desperate for the love of someone who never accepted you? Probably not.
Wizard
February 18, 2006
Question: So i recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend of about 7 months. She was up to this point in my life the most beautiful girl ive ever been with, although she was disrespectful, controlling, and plain mean. I finally got the courage to leave her and by chance met a girl who has now completely blown me away. Looks to personality. Unfortunately i have to see my ex. everywhere i go and i cant get my feelings for her to go away (mainly jealousy..comes on to my close friends) damaging the relationship i have with my new girl and i desperately want to see where this new relationship will go. Can you give me some advice on how to get through this.
ANSWER: You present a difficult problem – not because it is unusual . . . it actually is not – but because your inability to wrestle yourself free from your ex-girlfriend may originate in some weaknesses in you that the wizard cannot know from a paragraph of explanation.
For what it is worth, and because the wizard sympathizes greatly with your predicament, let us look at it a little bit. First, you managed to end the relationship – at least on the surface. Second, you found a wonderful girlfriend. For some people, that would be the end of it. But you’re in a circumstance where you see the ex-girlfriend a lot, and you cannot shake feelings of jealousy when she comes on to close friends.
The wizard cannot guarantee this will work. But remember, first, that she was controlling, disrespectful, and plain mean. Think, if you can, of what your close friends will go through if they get caught in the snare of her web and have a relationship. If you can keep the negative images of your ex-girlfriend in the fore-part of your brain, you might feel more sorrowful for your friends, and certainly lose some if not all of that jealousy.
You must remember that that your friends only gain the bad stuff you gladly lost when you managed to end the relationship.
That attacks your problem from one end – the concern about jealousy. But you also have to rid yourself of your ex-girlfriend’s control. She is still controlling you in a negative way. In your mind she is flirting with your close friends just to make you suffer more, and you feel hurt because under her control that is what you should feel.
You need to build on your self-esteem. You need to take hold of the wonderful girl you are dating and have fun with her, slicing the ex-girlfriend clean out of you mind, for she is the past and deadwood. You new girlfriend is a budding flower to be cultivated and nurtured with love and attention. Your ex is discarded detritus, a dumped ditch (a witch successfully dumped), a dumb duty (if you allow yourself to feel any duty to her at all), a damned debutant (because she doesn’t deserve any status), a drag date (your memory confirms this), and, finally for you, a done deal. Until you resolve that all of this is true, and stick to it, you will be under her thumb.
Good Luck, from the wise optimistic wizard,
Wizard
February 15, 2006
Question: My girl friend will not leave my side. She doesn’t give me any space and its driving me nuts. What should i do?
ANSWER: She likes you. But if you’re uncomfortable, don’t ask her out. She should get the message soon.
Wizard
February 13, 2006
Question: Hi wizard this girl is about to ask me out! I don't want to go out with her. We went out two years ago and she is the one who dumped me in the first place! What should I do?
Please I need your advice.
ANSWER: Don’t come on to her. Go over her. Let her fall before you can hold her up. Don’t pick her up. Stand still when she says jump. Answer “Say What?” when she says “How ya doin’”.
Or has she come around to notice your better points – and is re-thinking her misdeed?
Wizard
February 13, 2006
Question: We had been dating for 10 months. Ok this girl came said she wasnt sure of herself out of the blue, said we should break up on thursday. Now sunday rolls around she said she made a huge mistake and wants me back. We get together and talk and she said she kissed a guy i know who used to work with me but it was meaningless. Later i found out she was high on coke all weekend away. Im pretty sure i should cut this girl, but she say's she loves me and will do ANYTHING to have me back.
ANSWER: If your reason to keep her is that she’ll do anything to have you back, then you should follow through with the dump. But the wizard thinks you really are having some doubts, and if that is true, you should give her another chance.
Watch out for the drugs, though. She could be a ditch (a witch to dump) if you are not careful.
Wizard
February 10, 2006
Question: I`ve been in a relationship with this girl for a month. The problem is i dont love her and i have my girlfriend i love very much.
How should i dump this one i dont love?
ANSWER: Just tell her you are involved with someone else. Or if you have misrepresented this to her before, tell her you don’t have enough feeling for the relationship to last any more. The truth stated in a clear message is the simplest and fairest way to end a relationship.
Wizard
February 8, 2006
Question: I like this girl I have been hanging out with for about a month and a half, and I get all different mixed signals from her. She flirts with me constantly when it's just us but once anyone comes around she shys up and wont talk to me. I have asked her if she had any feeling for me and she said, "You’re really cool to hang out with but you rip on yourself too much." How do I show her that I have confidence and not a low self-esteem?
ANSWER: She said you’re really cool to hang out with. Well, if you lacked confidence, you should take that as a confidence builder. But you didn’t focus on that and the wizard doubts she did either. You do have confidence – you’re just wondering what will convince her because you think she doesn’t think you have it.
She gets shy and won’t talk to you when other people come around. The wizard thinks it is she who lacks self-esteem. You’re doing just fine.
You should tell you you’re just fine. Tell her if she thinks you’re cool to hang out with, then she should hang out with you, and turning shy and shutting up is not good enough for you. Tell her you think she was ripping on you, and that you don’t rip on yourself (and the wizard certainly hopes that you don’t).
Try this – and this isn’t too radical. When you’re with her the next time, and you’re around other people, and she is getting shy, tell her that she shouldn’t rip on you, and tell her you want a kiss for that comment. Yes, a kiss in public. See how she rips with that.
Wizard
February 7, 2006
Question: ok, so ive been going out with this girl for about 15 months now and she lives about an hour and a half away...but its been pretty strong so far, we talk almost every nite and i see her about 3 times a week. but being 17 im finishing school so i want to study to get the best result i also wanna party and go out with my friends and meet new people etc. i cant do this whilst im with her because the party scene isnt as fun without being single and all my friends are single and able to go out whenever they want and not tied down. usually it wouldnt be such a big problem but i cant bring myself to say anything because shes always saying she loves me and misses me etc. and i cant bring myself to give herself an obvious enough reason to believe i dont like her, i think it would be a bit too sudden, how would i go about breaking it to her? HELP lol
ANSWER: You want all the good stuff and none of the bad. Who can blame you?
Well, first of all, at your age you should be studying to get the best result and you should be going out with your friends and meeting new people, etc. If your relationship with this girl is interfering with those two elemental things to do, then you need to reduce the interference, downgrade to medium, push the caution button, and slip into low gear.
You don’t need to give her an obvious reason to believe you do not like her. You do like her, and she can still see you. But you have a life to live. She’ll get the message.
You do not need to explain any of it in detail. Just go ahead and schedule your time to study and party without her. It may cause her to wonder and ask – in which case you can tell her the truth. That’s the hardest part, perhaps. But you can include her in some of the partying – it may feel right to you to include her – but it need not be all or most of the time, unless you think it should be.
In making these decisions, follow your heart beat. Don’t let her heart beat pull you away from what you want to do, unless your heart beat follows happily. Simple as that.
Wizard
February 7, 2006
Question: hi im 14 and have been going out with a girl for 7 months. i need your opinion. this girl has lied to me three times but i have forgiven her. i really love her but i am not sure if she loves me as much to... please help me wot should i do
ANSWER: If the girl lied about something you feel is important, it certainly is grounds for a dump. But, of course, if you still love her after knowing she lied to you, the wizard concludes it must not have been about something important, and therefore it might not be good grounds for a dump. Why dump someone you love, right?
The next level of your question: – Does she love me, or does she not? Well, frankly, at 14 years old, it does not matter if she does not love you. It does matter whether she likes you enough to keep seeing you. If you are wondering, then something is telling you that she might not. She’s said something, or you’ve noticed a lack of interest, or someone else has said something, or she’s done something, or who knows, but if you are having the doubt, you should ask her out again. If she says yes, that should be enough to squelch your fears – because saying yes means that she likes you too.
Wizard
February 5, 2006
Question: Hi, I'm 12! So sorry for spelling mistakes!
I have been going out with this girl for 7 months... She goes to a different school than me and we barely talk. She says she loves me sooooo much but, I never see her and there is this other girl in my school who i really like and she is fond of me as well (I think!). So please tell me how I can dump my old girlfriend but not get her very upset!
ANSWER: Go ahead and ask the girl in your school out for some fun. Enjoy yourself. The other girl will know the relationship is over if you do not call her. If you barely talk already and you never see her, don’t worry about her loving you sooooo much. She’ll find another guy or some girlfriends to keep her occupied.
If perchance she should contact you and ask what is going on, just stay friendly and tell her you feel she is too far away for the two of you to have any kind of relationship.
Always remember that part of dating is learning how to accept a dump as well as how to do one. One must learn that getting dumped is not a criticism or a bad thing. Every date is testing ground until you’ve met that special one that you will want to be with all the time, and hopefully that person feels the same way. At your age you should just be having fun – all the time. Expect to be dumped now and then, and that’s not so bad. That’s when you find another. Good Luck!
Wizard
February 2, 2006
Question: I don't know if this girl really likes me but i like her. But she has a boyfriend that she never sees. We have thought about going out. But i don't know if she likes me and i am afraid that i will get turned down. What do i do?
ANSWER: Ask her out. Start with something simple during the day.
Never hold back because of fear of getting turned down. This is a common problem for guys. Your insecurities come out bigger than your ego just when you need your ego to be at its best.
Take stock in your best features. You have several, I assure you. Then ask her out in a non-threatening, non-aggressive way – like asking her to go to an event (almost anything will do, even if it is just a place and not an event) with you. Then just have fun with her. No hang-ups, no deep thoughts about love and death, no pressures from the outside world, no psychological game-playing, no fuss over who’s dating who, no scheming, no fretting about anything. Just consume some time with her and have fun.
If she had fun, she’ll date you again unless she is crazily committed to the other guy. If that is true, you can’t get anywhere with her anyway.
Wizard
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