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July 27, 2008
Question: I just came back from my summer holiday 3 days ago. My girlfriend didn’t even tell me welcome back. I don’t know what to do. Should I dump her?
ANSWER: You give no clues as to why this happened. Perhaps you don’t know why, which is why you don’t know what to do. If your ability to communicate with your girlfriend is so messed up you can’t find out why she didn’t say “welcome back,” you don’t have enough of a relationship to say “hello.”
Wizard
July 18, 2008
Question: I am going out with a girl that is like 1000 miles away and we don’t talk much. We have only known each other for a month, but I have been thinking about going out with a girl that lives 2 doors down and I have known her for 6-7 years. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANSWER: You need help? The girl two doors down and who you have known for six to seven years is an obvious choice above the girl a thousand miles away with whom you don’t talk.
Wizard
July 16, 2008
Question: I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 and a bit years. She is the most caring and considerate person ever, almost to the point where she is too good for me. We’re both 20 and both going into the final year of university. We were friends for a while before we started going out and it wasn’t long before we were a couple. For at least 6 months I've been wondering whether or not I want to be in a relationship, but I have always stuck with it as my girlfriend is so good to me and I know how much she loves me. It will really tear her up if we finish. I've experienced a long term break up before, but I am her first serious boyfriend. I can remember how much it hurt me and I care about her plenty to know that I don’t want her to have to feel that.
When we first started out together I put her at number one and left my mates. They're all good friends though and have never turned their backs on me. Since last summer I've been seeing more and more of my friends and want to continue in the same way. My girlfriend understands this and doesn’t argue at all. She's almost perfect. She also gets on with all my family and I get on with hers.
This year we booked a holiday away together, 2 weeks in Israel, but I decided that I didn't feel committed enough to stick with this booking so I canceled and went to Brussels with a pal. She never questioned any of this. She was perfect again, although I didn't give her the exact reason for not sticking with our Israel plans. I've now returned from that trip and have two short trips booked with my girlfriend over the next two months. I'm totally skint but she has offered to pay for me because she wants to go away with me so badly.
I'm feeling that although I do care for her so greatly and would never want anything but good for her that I just want to be single. There's no other reason behind a potential break up, only that I'm 20 years old and feel that I want to be single, even though I care for my girlfriend so much.
ANSWER: She is wonderful and you’ve found a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately you are only 20. When you are 30, if you’re still single, you’ll kick yourself for letting that one go – but, then you would also have missed out on a whole lot of experiences, good and bad, that would never have occurred if you did stay with her. Your reasons are sufficient – it happens that way sometimes. Yes, even good people who have no arguments or issues, break up.
It is always difficult to predict the future and for most of us some regrets still haunt us. Nonetheless, you are entitled and should take the step your heart and instinct tell you to take.
As for the pain she will feel, it will last a while, and she will experience bitterness. She will, however, as the great woman she is, recover and find a guy who will cherish his find and who will not want to let her go.
Remind her of your youthful age and your need to experience more in life than you are finding now, speak well of her, and do it soon so you don’t draw her into your life any more than necessary. Don’t go on the two trips with her, as that could make the break-up even more devastating.
Wizard
July 12, 2008
Question: Me and this girl have been together for three months and everything was great, so I thought, until she broke up with me. I have a hard time understanding why she broke up with me. The other day I went to her house when she wasn't there to deliver a card, since I was going to be away for a while. I came back a week later and she called me and told me she needed to break up with me. I delivered the card while her dad was home and stuck it in on the crack of the door. From what she’s told me her dad doesn’t like her dating and, well, when he found out about me he got pissed. And on top of that, I delivered a card. My friends tell me that her family made her break up with me because I was heading for a serious relationship. I don't really understand it, though. Before she broke up with me, a week before, she told me she was deeply in love with me. I also really want to get back with this girl. Any chance perhaps of even trying?
ANSWER: You may have had a good thing going for a while, but her father (or whole family) nixed it. If she is living with her father and family, she is probably young. Your question does inform of her age, but the facts sound like she is still under the firm and discretionary hand of her father.
If so, you’ll have to wait a while before you try again. When she gets older, and can decide things more independently, she is likely to remember you, and if you are lucky she might remain interested. You should not try to over-rule her father. If you do, the consequences can get messy and eventually put her in a bad place. Don’t force her to choose between you and her father – that will bring the father on to you like a swarm of killer bees on honey, and his sting will poison any future chance you might have.
Wizard
July 10, 2008
Question: I've been seeing a girl now for about 4 or 5 months. Things have been going okay, and I can tell that she's crazy about me . . . but lately I've been feeling like things weren't going to work out. I keep seeing other girls and I get this aching yearning deep down, and I get really depressed that I'm with a girl that I'm not that attracted to. On the other hand, this girl is really sweet, she does my laundry, cleans my kitchen, and most importantly hangs out with me when I don't feel like going out and socializing.
Should I let my shallowness win out? Should I dump this girl because I want to be with someone better looking (which may not even happen)? Or should I keep trying to repress these desires and focus on what a good person she is?
And, if I dump her, what do I say? Sorry, I'm too shallow, and you're too ugly . . . pack up your stuff.
The thought of being alone again really scares me . . . but I don't want to break this girl's heart by misleading her.
I keep coming back to Silent Bob's epiphany at the end of Clerks: "[T]here's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."
ANSWER: It all comes down to what is most important to you at the time. Right now, you put a high priority on how good the girl looks. You give importance to being loved and cared for, but seeing other better looking girls (in your perception) causes you to experience a yearning to date some of them, and a depression sets in that you shouldn’t be dating your girlfriend because you aren’t attracted to her. You are not shallow; you’re just not ready.
The answer for you is that she is not the right one for you right now. As much as she likes you, you do not like her enough for a long-term commitment. You have to resolve the yearning you feel to date other women and find out just how well you can do with better looking women.
Eventually, you are likely to realize that how good a woman looks isn’t everything. When you fall in love, be assured, you will love how she looks. The flaws (and there will be some) will be unimportant.
The quote you give is clever, funny, and true. But what it says is true of all women, fine looking and not so fine looking. Its message is not that you should scratch out good looking women and be satisfied with one who serves lasagna and who is faithful. These are good qualities, most assuredly, but the message is confused by the words, “fine looking.”
Without “fine looking” in there, admittedly, it loses some pizazz. The truth is, however, most women in the world will not bring you lasagna and will cheat on you because they won’t love you. Sorry, dude, but you’re not good enough to be loved by all those women. However, among those who could fall in love with you, they’ll all be glad to serve you lasagna and will not cheat on you. It has nothing to do with “fine looking.” It has everything to do with love.
When you marry or choose a life-time partner, you do not marry a maid. You marry a woman you love, a life-time lover. That is not a maid, servant, or slave. And you, in love with her, would gladly serve her lasagna and will not cheat on her either.
When it is time for you to break-up, if you haven’t resolved the good looks issue, don’t tell her she’s too ugly – obviously – unless you’re not only shallow but an insensitive, callous brute. You also don’t increase her confusion by telling her you still love her.
Tell her you’re not ready for a long-term commitment, that you want more time to yourself, that she has been a wonderful person, that she was a great addition to your life while you were together, but it is time for you to do something else. Tell her it is no reflection on her at all – it’s just something you, in your current state of mind and point in life, must do.
Wizard
July 7, 2008
Question: What does it mean when a girl says we need a break? Since it's summer and all, my girlfriend told me we needed a break since we might not see each other over summer.
ANSWER: Generally, this means she found or hopes to find one or more guys, other than you, with whom she will spend her summer. You are now free to roam the beaches unattached.
Wizard
July 7, 2008
Question: She has a pretty face but she has a belly which I can't get over. Whenever she wears something tight it bothers me.
ANSWER: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t see it, don’t bother it.
Wizard
July 4, 2008
Question: OK, I'm in sort of a mess here. I'm with a girl that I don't really like, but she's in love with me. The girl that I want to be with is with one of my friends. And also the girl that I'm dating is my crush's best friend. I don't want to leave the girl I'm with now because I know it'll ruin my chances with the one that I want to be with, and also she's been through some really tough times with past relationships, almost to the point of self-destruction. So I can't dump her now. I recently had a conversation with my crush. I told her I might still have feelings for her (there was a time that she liked me but I was too shy and hid my feelings and missed out on it all). I told her I might still have some feelings left for her. And she replied with saying that there are times where she thinks she still likes me but it's nothing big. So I'm completely lost here. I could dump her now and take my chances with her best friend who's with one of my friends right now, all the while hoping she doesn't kill herself. But that sounds really idiotic to me. The wait is killing me. It's been about a month now that I've been with this girl secretly wishing I was cuddling with my real crush. What the hell do I do here? Thanks, in advance.
ANSWER: You should not be dating your crush’s friend. You said you “don’t really like” her. If that is the truth, be truthful to yourself and end that relationship. If you mislead her into thinking you like her, and then dump her, you will make an even bigger mess for her. You are more kind and gentle with her if you let her down as easy as you can now, rather than wait until later when it can really hurt her.
As for the one you have a crush for, you believe she will not date you if you dump her friend. If you think that will happen, you’ve created a ridiculous situation for yourself. She won’t date you if you dump her friend and she can’t date you if you date her friend. So where does that leave you? Wait until her friend dumps you? So you continue to mislead her friend until her friend decides she must dump you, so you can have a chance with your crush? Come on, man, where’s your head at?
Do the right thing. Break-up with your crush’s friend so you can be honest with her and yourself about how you feel. Then if your crush wants to date you, you are there. If she doesn’t, find another girl you like.
Wizard
July 3, 2008
Question: Hi, I have been in love with this gal for a long time. She has had a very bad reputation, one of which she has even carried an abortion. The child was my friend’s. At that time she was cheating on me. She’s been dating my close friends without my knowledge. I always manage to forgive her and take her back. Now I have realized it but when I ask her she becomes more furious than I am. She even tells me to go my way, which I find so difficult because I love her dearly. Yesterday she was about to dump me because I asked her where she was with my friend I pleaded with her to forgive me as if I was the one cheating on her. Now I am stressed. I don't know what to do because I love her no matter what she does. Please help on how to forget and dump her, and let me know the best revenge for her.
ANSWER: You need to face the big question: Does she love you? Your question strongly suggests she does not, in which case you have no reason to stay with her. If she does, try to work through this with her, not without her. If she doesn’t, the best thing for you is to be happy with another woman. Don’t worry about revenge. Let her go – go you own way.
If she doesn’t love you, she has demonstrated a lack of good faith and judgment. The way to forget her is to realize, if it is true, that she doesn’t love you and move on to a good woman.
Love is not always a two-way street. You can love someone and not be loved. But in the dating world, it’s a two-way street, paved, lighted, and no speed signs.
Wizard
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