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June 27, 2007
Question: Wizard, tell me if there is anything to the zodiac. I like a woman. I am a Taurus, April 27, and she is a Cancer, July 12. Tell
me if I should pursue her and the best way. thank you.
ANSWER: Some people believe in the zodiac. They think the arrangement of the stars at the time of birth determines what kind of person was
born. Scientists tell you this is bunk. Some people follow the zodiac because they think it is fun to do, even if it isn’t scientific. Some
people believe the advice, or snippets of ideas, obtained from zodiac charts really apply to everyone, and are therefore meaningful and useful to
everyone.
Many astrology believers think your future can be predicted in the stars. Some people believe in Tarot cards. Some people believe in
telling the future by the patterns created by falling stones. Some people believe other people can actually see events in the future. Whatever
power it is that sees into the future, does it adjust its prediction when the rest of us change our plans - or does it calculate all the fine
minutiae of our scheming minds first?
Anyway, do not judge the girl before you date her by her birth date. If you like her, pursue her. If you get into a dating relationship,
keep an open mind about her and learn from her. Enjoy her company and be a great companion to her. If all goes well, regardless of when she was
born, you will find happiness that she was born – and the two of you will make your future in spite of anyone’s
prediction.
Wizard
June 27, 2007
Question: well we have been going out for 3 weeks and she has never done anything. i always kiss her or hug etc. but not once has she
shown affection. her friends say she loves me but she never shows it. should i leave her for someone more passionate?
ANSWER: She is not turning you down. Date her for a while longer – she might just need a little more time for sparks to fly. If you
lose patience, dump her for someone more passionate.
Passion is a good thing for two people who share it. When it starts will vary, which makes it difficult for one who has a shorter time to
develop it. If she is on a different time-table than you, either you have sufficient patience to wait for her passion, or you don’t.
Nothing says you need to wait except your feelings. If you love the rest of her enough to wait, it might turn out to be the best wait
you’ve had in a life-time. There is a limit, however, to everyone’s patience.
Wizard
June 22, 2007
Question: my deal is i have a girlfriend named Jill and i met her best friend Sarah. Sarah and I started hanging out more than me and Jill
because we live closer. we started flirting and liking each other a lot. so now i’m going out with both. Sarah knows i’m trying to
dump Jill but i just don’t know how to tell her. i like Sarah more than Jill so i just cant tell Jill i’m dumping her for her best
friend. then she would get mad at Sarah and i don’t want that. we are going to tell her but wait a while after me and Jill break up. what
should i do? please write back and help me. thank you~HELP ME.
ANSWER: Break up with Jill just as you would with any other girlfriend. Tell her you enjoyed her a lot but that you don’t feel
romantic any more. Tell her how great a friend she is and how great a date she can be for another guy, but that you just aren’t the right
one for her. When you compliment her you can be specific about some of her good qualities.
The biggest hurdle you face is making yourself do it. The anxiety and the worry will go away after you have done it.
No need to mention Sarah. After you break up with Jill, you can start seeing Sarah as a date. If you keep things very positive with Jill
(by complimenting her as suggested in the first paragraph above), she should be less angry when she sees or learns you are dating Sarah.
Wizard
June 18, 2007
Question: Hello, I find myself needing advice. I'm sorry this is so long, but I should probably tell all of the details since they all
seem to have a bearing of some sort on my current dilemma.
My girlfriend and I are the same age, 24, and have been going out for 3 1/2 years. We met in a class in freshmen year and I leave here in
about six weeks (since I just graduated), and I was her first boyfriend, since her mom is very strict on her.
Years ago, about six weeks into our relationship, I cheated on her, but horrified at my irresponsibility and actions, I confessed it all
to her and prayed for forgiveness and help. She was very hurt and after about a week's break we made up and I worked extra hard to rebuild the
relationship and trust, which over the years I have come to cherish and love very much. I have never cheated since that time, since I stopped
relying on myself and started relying on God to steer me from temptations and forgive me when I'm tempted. After time, I really started getting
attached to her.
(missing text) . . ., and I was hurt, but I forgave her. She said she wanted to take a break and I told her that that was okay so we could
get our thoughts organized. After I fell asleep that night, I awoke to find her gone. She disappeared for another two days. I finally caught her
coming out of her place, ready to leave for work in another guy's car. After I confronted her right there, she promised she would call me when
she was off so I could pick her up from work, so we could talk. Well, after no call that night (this is actually last night...all of this is very
recent), I decided to go surprise her with some flowers and just show up at her work, giving her the benefit of doubt - but, incredibly, I happen
to catch her in a taxi as it was leaving the parking lot. She got out and I gave her a ride back to her place (we live in the same complex), and
after asking about her whereabouts, she tells me that she has spent almost the entire whole week with this guy. That started off as talking about
why she was frustrated, etc.
I want to win her back, so I took her out to dinner tonight and we watched a movie, and I got her flowers. But then, what would be strange
if not for the other events of this week, immediately after the movie, she left saying she was going to study. After she left, I discovered that
when I had gone to the bathroom, she quickly called him from my cell phone out of my presence, and she's gone again - presumably at his place.
I don't want to lose her. I don't want some schmuck to steal 3 1/2 years of our hard work and growing together and love. What should I do?
From her reactions, it seems like she just wants to be "lusty" with some guy... but she's been avoiding me completely...how could
anyone go from 3 1/2 years to being officially with another man in just 3 days of kissing him? Since she was gone the whole week, there was no
way for me to get to her (she has no cell phone) or therefore prove that I'm worthy. What should I do? I want to meet this other guy and talk
with him...but I don't know. Thanks for all of your help.
ANSWER: The answer is in the second paragraph of your question. You are her first boyfriend. A first boyfriend rarely lasts three and a
half years. You’ve done well.
She found another guy who caught her interest. She is likely less attached to you than you to her, given that she was smitten with
this guy in so little time.
As wonderful as you are and have been to her, the two of you are not married. She is a free bird and found another guy. You can keep
trying, but be aware of the real possibility that she is moving on with her life without you. If this is true, you need to let her go. Talking
to the other guy will not contribute to anything positive. The other guy may not last three weeks let alone three and a half years, but then she
might be on to a third guy. She is not lusty – she is young, free, a bit adventuresome to fall for another guy so quick, experimental, and
healthy.
She was in her first year of college and gave you three plus years of her youth. You were her first date. You invested three plus years of
your life into the relationship and will be sorely disappointed if she bolts. You are worthy – especially worthy – because the time
and effort is huge, and the motivation was all good. Maybe she will change her mind and ask for your forgiveness, and maybe not. If it is at an
end, you’ll know you gave it your best.
ADDENDUM: If your relationship can be saved, the way to do it is not with flowers and a movie. You need to insert some adventure,
something new, something to satisfy your girlfriend’s need for things new and exciting. Spend a little. Take her, if she will go, on at
least a three or four day trip away to an exotic place. It could be Paris, London, the Caribbean, Puerto Rico, even Quebec or Honolulu. You can
explore together, see new things, experience a different place. She will see aspects of your character she never saw before just because of a new
and exciting environment if nothing else. This is the time to spend and let loose, if it is not too late.
Wizard
June 10, 2007
Question: I have been with my girlfriend nearly 4 years, but we have grown apart. Well, I have from her! She still thinks she is madly in
love. I have met someone else. She likes me and I like her but we are both in relationships. I don’t know what to do. I think I have had
enough of my girl anyway, but how do I say I don’t want to be with her anymore after 4 years?
ANSWER: The roots have grown deep in four years. If she is still madly in love, that is a huge compliment to you, but it is no good if you
don’t reciprocate.
Breaking up when the other party is still in love after four years will be a difficult and gut-wrenching chore, a chore nonetheless that
you must do if you are sure and you want to do the best thing for her. As has been said many times on this website, you should not delay any
further if you are sure and she is growing roots that entangle and complicate breaking up. This girl has already done that here. You must stop
the roots from growing even more. She will hurt, but it is better that she hurts now than later when the roots have grown even more.
Ah, the ubiquitous question: HOW? You must do it clearly and decisively. If you mislead her into thinking there is still hope, you will
allow the roots to grow.
At the same time, you must not criticize her. Do not tell her all the things she has done wrong. Even if she asks you, “What have I
done wrong? I can fix it. I can change. Just tell me what I need to do.” Tell her she is a marvelous person. You dated her for this long;
you should have no difficulty telling her how great she was and is. Compliment her about her best qualities. Tell her that her great qualities
will make her a real catch for a guy that is so much better for her than you are.
This will be painful. Once it is done and over, she will adjust and move on, and so will you.
Good luck.
Wizard
June 3, 2007
Question: I've been going out with this girl for about a month now. I really liked her in the beginning, but my feelings for her really
died down recently. I've been starting to like other girls more (a lot more). Her birthday is coming up soon as well. She loves me way too much
and I want to dump her, but I'm afraid to break her heart especially before her birthday. What do i do?
ANSWER: If the birthday is a worry, then it will be the visit with her mother, then the special anniversary party for her aunt, then the
dinner she wants to cook for you, then the movie she wants to see, then the trip to the beach, and onward. If your feelings are not the same as
they were, you need to be honest with her sooner than later so she does not feel used or misled. She might feel that way anyway, no matter how
sincere you are. You cannot avoid ending the dating relationship for fear that she will be hurt. Maybe she will be, but she is likely to be even
more hurt if you extend the affair even longer.
Girls and guys – every one who dates – knows that the relationship is more likely than not to come to an end. Every one must
be prepared for the end of any dating relationship. If she allows herself to feel hurt, the experience will help her tolerate the next time she
gets dumped. As insensitive as this sounds, it is more sensitive because the wizard encourages emotional practicality in dating and honesty in
every relationship.
The easiest, sincerest, and nicest way to deal with this problem is to be honest and frank in talking about it. When a couple is honest
and frank with each other from the beginning, it makes the good times even better because both are expressing love and admiration for each other.
They will find it easier to stay friends afterward if their relationship dwindles from romance to something less, if they were always honest and
frank with each other.
Wizard
June 3, 2007
Question: Well, I've been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now. We're supposed to be moving in together in a few weeks. Thing is I've met
a girl at work who I think is great and I get on really well with, and a few weeks ago she told me she really likes me. Since then I've found I
can't stop thinking about this other girl. I've grown a bit bored of my current relationship but don’t know whether to dump my girlfriend
so I can be with this other girl. I know it would hurt my girlfriend a lot and she is stressed out at the moment, which could complicate it
further. Plus she tends to be a bit nasty to people who cross her. Any advice would be great.
ANSWER: You are not in love. Another girl at work should not consume your mind. The prospect of living together, if all were well in your
relationship, should be a great, promising change in circumstances to look forward to. Moving in together with someone who you have thoughts of
being unfaithful to, and who is stressed, and who tends to be a bit nasty to those who cross her, is a formula for disaster.
Even if the new girl does not turn out well, you should reconsider the decision to move in with your two year-old relationship.
Whether you dump her or not is less of a question. If you date the new girl, you might be serious in dumping the current one. If you ask
the new girl out and she says no, you might continue dating the current girl. The decision to live together is a bad one, regardless. If you
continue to date, save the living together idea for a time when the commitment between you is better and the two of you are more sure of your
relationship.
Note: If you haven’t lived with a girl yet, it sounds like lots of fun and adventure. A real joy ride. Just being there would be
cool – for a long list of good and bad reasons. Beware, though. Any mess gets messier. All complications get more complicated. The
arrangement can quickly turn into a sour mismatch much less funny than the Odd Couple and brutally real. The wizard could turn this answer into a
1,000 word discourse on one horrific nightmare, but better to leave it all to your imagination. Think before you leap. (It can, though, be great
- with the right woman.)
Wizard
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